Sacred and Happy

Well seems that it was my fault that I didn't recieve my meds.  Turns out that my home phone was off and they didn't have another number to contact  me.  I called last week and had gave them my P.O box.  My med came today just as the lady said they would.  I read the warnings, possible side effects, and other stuff that will probably make me feel worse than the HIV.

When I picked up my meds from the post office I started to feel happy and scared at the same time.  Why?  Because Im going to start a rountine for the rest of my life that I have to maintain in order to live a health life.  I have to take medicines everyday that will make  me crap my pants, have fucked up dreams, and etc.  Because I choose to have unprotected sex with someone that I loved and who had been having sex with someone else who was HIV positive.  But thats in the past now and I can't dwell on that. 

My partner doesn't want me to take my meds because he think that I will become sicker than I am now.  His last partner stopped taking his meds because he said that they he felt fine.  I think that I paid the ultimate price when I trusted my last lover and had unprotected sex with him because I loved him and tusted that he loved me.  However, I was wrong and my immune systems is paying for.  I don't care what my partner says.  Im going to take my meds, Thanks to Ryan White and the Medical University of South Carolina I am able to make an attempt to get my HIV under control and become undetectable.  I want to live!  And I want to feel better.  I am not his last partner I am the partner he is with now.  I am not him I am Me.  I can't express that enough.