Attempting to start

I guess the best place to start is the begining, but which begining:

Most of my mental health issues began a few years after marring my husband. He is immature, self-centered, neglectfull and a chronic liar. I on the other hand am the exact opposite.  So much so that I often hold back my feelings  to spare him or others, I am way too tolerant of other people's shortcomings, and quick to put me behind everyone else. I also avoid confrontation at all possible costs.My husband used this to his advantage and I unfortunately let him for roughly 2 decades.

We were separated for several years. During that time my depression cleared and was eventually taken off meds.  Then we decided to give it another try. Within a few years I was depressed again and back on meds.  I blamed myself for the state of our marriage and believed that if the one person who claimed to love teated this way, why would anyone else want me. I tolerated a lot of stuff I shouldn't have because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I also felt like divorce was admitting that I failed at my marriage.

If this wasn't enough to deal with I was also blessed with 2 boys, who were diagnosed with ADHD and the younger one with ODD. Eventualy hubby was diagnosed too.

I finally came to realize that I'm not going to get any better if I stay in this marriage. He is never going to be the person I thought I married, and he is the one that failed the marriage, not me.  Getting divorced is one of my goals, but first I need to find a job and get my own place to live.