feel like giving up

Gidge05,  Please know that you are strong enough!  I'm so sorry that you are dealing with drama and negativity, but please understand that you are too valuable to end your life.  I'm glad that you had the strength not to wreck your car.  I know that the depression can feel overwhelming, but you can overcome!

Everyone makes mistakes.  I hope that you can get to the point to accept them and move on.  God knows, I've made mistakes in my life. But I have been able to forgive myself, learn from them and continue on.  Don't let the past impact your future.

Just know that I believe in you and believe that you can overcome all the trials you are experiencing right now.  

Hang in there!

I am glad you are reaching out through this forum, Gidge05.  Reaching out takes courage.  I know.

As Smalls said, everyone makes mistakes... BIG and SMALL.  I know your problems seem to be overwhelming and all encompassing, but there is daylight at the end of the storm.

I suffered from depression off and on for years.  I was hospitalized for it once, and I will repeat here what my therepist told me when I became suicidal...

"Suicide is a decision you can make.  No one can take that decision away from you.  But I ask you to consider this option....  why don't you chose to get some help one more time.  You can drive to the nearest doctor 's office or hospital, tell them what you are feeling and let them help you.  What have you got to lose?  If it does not work, you can always chose suicide again.  But, if you chose suicide first - it is final.  You will never know what could have been possible in your life."

At a time when I was not thinking straight, his words made sense to me.  I took his advice, and I am so glad I did.  Today, I owe him my life.  Life is good.  I promise.  If you need to communicate, I am here.  

There are people that care.  I know it seems like no one can know what you are feeling inside...guess what?  You're right.  Every one is different and what might not seem like a big deal to one person could be a huge deal to someone else.  No one can know what you are going through.  But we can sympathize with you and try to make you smile.  All is not lost.  I know that you're hurting, tired, struggling, in pain...I feel the same...

I'm so tired of everyone patronizing me because of my condition.  My "best friend" just stopped me in the hallway and asked me if I was gaining a lot weight.  Yes, you stupid little person!  I"M ON STERIODS...why don't you make me feel worse about myself?...then I laugh at myself.  If only that were the least of my worries.  I know that you must feel the same.  People say that they care, but do they?  do they really know what you are going through?  

I feel like that sometimes...my past is just biting me in the ass and I'm getting what I deserve.  

But stop for just a moment.  Do you really think that if you didn't have a purpose that you'd still be here alive?  Yes, life hurts and we don't understand why these things happen to us.  But how do you know that what you're going through is going to save someone else's life someday?  By taking your own life, you could be robbing someone else's of there's.  As a friend told me once, "Katti, you can't quit...because if you quit...how is there any hope for the rest of us."  I didn't realize it until my friend told me that, but he looked up to me so much that he couldn't think of getting through if I couldn't do it.  There are people who are look to you to survive.  You might not know it now, but they are watching.  Your story will help someone someday.

Rediscover your dreams...don't let anyone tell you that you can't because of your limitations.  Ur past is exactly that...PAST!  It's gone...it's time to look to your future.

You are loved

Keep reaching out.  It will get better.  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Be well.