Trying to cope with hearing the voices. They came back recently and the meds aren't working like they used to. I increased the dose, but it's still not working. I know it's supposed to take a while for my body to get used to the dose, but I think the problem is that my body has become too used to the meds. The very first time I started taking meds, after maybe a year, things were better, and so I slowly got off the meds. a few months later, the symptoms came back. When I went back on the same meds, they didn't work anymore. Other meds I've tried afterwards only worked temporarily. My current meds worked for a pretty long time. Unfortunately it's not true anymore.
My boyfriend read online about two people whose psychosis was caused by a vitamin b-12 definiciency. So now I'm taking vitamin b-12 supplements. I hope it helps, even if it's just a little.
It's constant. Every second of every day. Some of the things they say I know I wouldn't say myself, so I feel like it's not me. I don't think it's psychic because I don't believe they would literally hear your thoughts, but at the same time it's too hard for me to believe it's not real. They respond to what goes on in my head. They're always upset, complaining about hearing me, talking *** about me to each other, believing things about me that I know are not true. I feel like I have no privacy in my own mind, and your mind should be the most private part of a person. We choose what things in our head to come out of our mouths. And we choose who we say those things to. It's like, I don't care if people don't like me, I just don't want to hear them saying it all the time. I'd rather be able to just walk away and not hear them anymore. But this follows me everywhere I go, so there is no escape. I can't even escape when I sleep because it has gotten to the point where the voices follow me into my dreams now. It is pretty much impossible to ignore. I'm trying to ignore it right now, but I end up reading the same sentence over and over again, trying to think of what to say next. Very distracting. They always say stuff like "bullcrap!" (i always say bullshit), "trippin'!", "lying!" (even when I'm not), and "proving it!" (whatever the hell that means). Just not having any privacy in my own mind (or feeling that way) is driving me seriously insane.
I'm a very private person, so this is really affecting me bad. I don't open up to just anyone. Only to the people I choose to get to know me, only after I have determined that I can trust them. I'm not a very outgoing person. At work, I only have two friends. The others I'm just cool with, or I don't like. Those I'm cool with, I don't really care to keep in touch with them. I'd rather keep to myself and make only a few friends than have a lot of friends. Too many people are fickle, and no matter what age, too many people can be so immature. I'm done with immature people and how they are. I'd rather surround myself with mature people who know better than to behave the way the immature ones do. Talking *** about people all the time is one thing immature people do. From my experience, I would much rather people talk about me when I am nowhere near the same place so that I can't hear them than have people talk *** about me when I'm in the area where I can overhear them. I would rather it be "behind my back". I'm sick of hearing the *** all the time.The voices are too hard to ignore. I'm having a really difficult time with it.
I'm also very sensitive to sound now. Sometimes normal sounds turn into the voices saying things. I think it's voices, then I realize it's just the smoke alarm needing a new battery (for example).
I am so grateful for the people close to me. My family and friends treat me normally. They know my situation, my condition, and they don't judge me because of it. They love me for me and accept me for who I am. I'm pretty sure they always forget I even hear voices, sometimes if not most of the time. My boyfriend is the best. He knew even before we got together. I told him early on because I wanted him to know what he was getting into. He is totally supportive, and also never treats me as if I have a mental disorder. When I think he's stuck with me and deserves someone who's not crazy, he says that he's not stuck with me, he's with me by choice, and he wants to be with me, no matter what.
Aug 09 2009, 06:25 PM