alone

it sucks when all you wanna do is curl up in a ball, and let everything fade away.. numbing yourself from everything. when; at the moment.. you feel it's the best thing in the world is to sleep, watch tv, surf the web all day long, pick at your skin.. anything to surpress feeling alone, or absent from the world..

which is how i've felt for days and weeks on in... finally made it into work today (heh; luckily i still have a job!) and was able to be around people, take my medicine, and have a meal at a decent hour of the day ... did get into work late, but hey! i was there, right?! Vyvance and Lamictal; my current mixture of medicines are fantastic for me!! i wish i knew that everyday i felt in a lump. but once i take it, i feel great! *ugh; i get to be such a mess!!  ...

my mom is still down at the mayo clinic in jacksonville, florida. was able to hear her voice today, she said she has been poked and probed soo much and soo many tests these past few weeks that shes just exhausted! can't wait for her return, and hopefully great news that she'd be a canidate for the liver transplant!! *many positive wishes*

a lot to be thankful for in my life right now; a lot of loving and careing people in my life as well.. why do i hafta go and screw it all up!!?

.::get it together woman!!::.

...and now; off to sleep...